i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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