we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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