i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
