if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Randomize
