when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
