last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
