ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
