how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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