Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
