It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
