How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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