My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
