Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
