Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
