What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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