I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
