How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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