There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
