Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
