Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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