but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
