Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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