I like to think it a success when the cops are called
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
