It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
