How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
