drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
