I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
