easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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