We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
