The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
