Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
