I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
