Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
