So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
