I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
