I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
