Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
