Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
