Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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