I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
