i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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