I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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