There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
