So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
