I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize