I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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