now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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