i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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