I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
