I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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