Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
