So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I love having hate sex.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
