woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
