you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
In other news, I just burned my penis
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
