he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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