Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
