I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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