As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
