Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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