Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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