I wish I only lived at night.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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