Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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