i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
