theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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