The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
