i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
