I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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