There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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