it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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