I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
