Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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