Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
He passed out mid-signature
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
