someone owes me an orgasm
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize