All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
