dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Ladies don't puke and tell
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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