You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
