id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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