Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
