No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
