hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
