you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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