real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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