I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
