also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
