so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
