i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
