Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
