I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
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