i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You need a sexual gate keeper
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
