when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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