I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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