i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize